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Cara's Testimony (#2)

In my own life, my mom and some of my brothers and sisters began to understand salvation later in life. My mom was in her 50’s. I am number nine out of ten kids. We grew up catholic. I was about 19 years old when the family began to talk about how to be saved. I remember that I liked what I was hearing, it was a relief to find out that the reason Jesus died on the cross was to give me the free gift of salvation, and that it was not up to me to be religious and earn my way to heaven. So, when I heard it, I received the message gladly. So, I was agreeing that Jesus died for me and that He paid my way to heaven. It was just the beginning.

I had dated (my now husband) Mike since I was 14, turning 15. So, we had been dating for about 4 years when I graduated high school. All along we were committed to each other and knew we wanted to spend our lives together. Mike got out of College and got placed into a job in Maryland. I was just graduating High school, and I was not going to go to college because I had gotten my license as a hairstylist by going to the votech while in high school. So, I was ready to start the career I wanted. Mike and I knew we wanted to get married, but we had to plan the wedding and all that stuff takes time. Also, it was kind of scary to think that I was going to move away from home to live in Maryland where Mike’s job was. I wanted to be with Mike after I graduated. We were planning to get married in October and it seemed so far away. So we figured that it would actually be a good idea if I moved in with Mike ahead of time. One reason we thought it was good was to give me a chance to see if I would be happy living in Maryland before I went ahead and permanently moved there. I was old enough to make a choice and I knew that my parents really couldn’t stop me if I decided to go ahead. But I wanted them to tell me it was ok with them. So, we did talk it out. My mom wasn’t sure what to do. She knew we loved each other and were going to get married in the fall. The main thing she struggled with was worrying what other people would say or think if she let me move in with Mike before marriage. That was her only real concern. She at the time didn’t think that it was a matter of spiritual concern. None of us did. So, we went ahead with it and decided not to care what others thought, besides, everyone else was doing the same thing these days.

The next thing that happened that I felt uncomfortable with, but did anyways, was that we had to go to premarital classes in order to be married in the Catholic Church. We knew the priest would not approve of us living together. So we LIED to him and told him that we both had separate apartments in Maryland until our wedding. Well, we pulled it off and October came and we made it official.

All along through all of this and for the next couple of years, I seemed pretty happy. I thought I was doing fine. I thought about God sometimes, and tried to go to church sometimes. I knew about salvation and grace and I guess it was very comfortable knowing it was ok not to have to be perfect. If anyone ever asked me I would say ‘yes, I believe Jesus died for me and He is my savior’. He was part of my life, even though it was a very small part.

At the time of my marriage, my sister was going through trouble with her marriage. Her husband had left her for another woman, and she was a mother of 3 little children. It was devastating! But, through her heartache, she began to take her salvation seriously. She turned her life completely over to Jesus Christ. I watched her go through terrible pain and trials, but I also watched her grow spiritually. It baffled me how she was radiating with joy in the midst of such misery. She began to get on my nerves though, because all she wanted to talk about was Jesus and God. I would say that yes, I believed, but I didn’t want to talk about it ALL OF THE TIME. God had a place in my life, a part in my life, but I didn’t want to go overboard.

We all kind of thought my sister was a little wacky and going overboard because of all the stuff she was going through. We actually were a little worried about her sometimes, thinking she was into a cult or something.

When I had my first baby my life really changed. He was a fussy baby and it was very challenging. It really affected my marriage. I was so disappointed. All along, my sister continued to talk of Jesus and she continued to glow with joy in the midst of all her challenges. I wondered why I was so weak. My challenges were not nearly as bad as hers. Sometimes even when things were going pretty good, I still wondered why I lacked the joy and peace I saw my sister enjoying. I continued to grow more and more discontented. When my sister would tell me what I needed, I would make excuse after excuse. Finally she told me that I had to make a choice and no one could help me if I didn’t.

When I finally became so weak and miserable and my marriage was falling apart, I decided I wanted what she had no matter what it took. Like I said before, I already knew Jesus would save me just as I was at that time, but now I was at a point that I realized that He wanted me to experience what He had for me NOW, in this life, not just after I died and went to heaven.

I realized that life was too hard to do it in my own strength and that I had to have the life I saw in my sister. I remembering getting really desperate and finally giving God everything. I told Him He could have all of me, and in exchange, I wanted all of Him.

I remember feeling very scared to totally surrender everything to Him like that. I had always had a wrong view of God all of my life. I always felt like He was asking me to give up all the “fun things in life, and all the things I enjoyed. I began to realize that I was missing out on something far greater than anything I had been experiencing. I realized that the things that I had depended on for fun or for happiness were failing me and disappointing me. I realized that I really didn’t have anything to lose if I gave it all to Him and that I had everything to gain.

It was at this point that Jesus became more than part of my life. He now was going to “become my LIFE. I didn’t really know where to start after that, but I knew I wanted more of Him. So, others taught me how to seek Him and get to know Him in His word. It was amazing to me how the bible came alive to me after that. I couldn’t get enough of it!

Another interesting thing to tell is that it was at that time that one of my sisters had been attending a home group bible study from the church . That was the first bible study I had ever gone to. It was amazing! It was the first time I ever heard people talk like that and pray out loud like that. It was wonderful! I still had trouble in my marriage and I still had challenges with raising the baby and the next one that came along too. But I had now found the true Life and I had a source of joy, peace, and strength in the midst of all the challenges. God used those things to grow me in my faith.

My marriage really struggled for a lot of years, and it was hard. I prayed for his salvation for over 10 years. It finally did happen after some great storms and tragedies. And now, God has begun a new life for both of us. Our marriage is being healed and restored and continues to be blessed.

Although God used the challenges in our marriage to bring us to Him and used it all for good, I often think that some of the reasons we had such troubles was because of the mistakes we made. We did not wait until marriage and it did affect life after marriage. Neither one of us were Christians at the time.

We didn’t really have any guidance along the way. I don’t know if we would have listened if someone would have tried to tell us. Probably not. Only God can do the work in our hearts in His time.

I remember different stages of coming to know the Lord deeper, and there were times when I felt that other Christians were judging me or being too pushy. I didn’t like it at times. Later I realized that they didn’t know how to be helpful to me in my walk with the Lord and they were trying their best. I appreciated then the fact that they cared about me and probably did some praying for me at those times that I needed it.

I am so thankful now for how the Lord has been my Rock and He is my life and at those times when my world was falling apart all around me, I was still standing and somehow He always proved Himself strong in every situation and continues to bring greater blessings into my life.

I realize from all this experience that when God asks us to obey Him, it is always to bring greater blessing, never to take away or deny us of something. It is always for our protection and to keep the enemy out of our life. I believe this is what it means to really trust Him and do what He says even when it doesn’t make sense to us. It isn’t about living up to His expectations or trying to be approved of or earn anything from Him. But it is more about keeping trouble out and staying safe in His will.

Cara Henry